5 Things I Wish I’d Learned Sooner

1 – My breath is powerful. Seriously. It’s not woo woo stuff. If I get on my yoga matt in a studio or in our basement with a video streaming on my laptop, and I take the time to focus on my breath and to move out of the “normal” world for a few minutes, I sink deeply down into myself until I’m in this place of intense peace and understanding and calm. It’s a place where my breath and my mind and my body are so obviously connected I don’t know why I ever forget that to be true, but I do. I could’ve saved myself a lot of stress if I’d known this sooner. 

2 – Clothes are made to fit our bodies, our bodies shouldn’t be made to fit clothes. K, this one was recent. Like in the last month. If you don’t follow Sarah Nicole Landry (@thebirdspapaya) on Instagram, you should. When she posted about this idea, a lightbulb went on for me. Until that moment, I had honestly never thought of clothing in that way. I’d always thought that something was wrong with my body if it didn’t fit into something quite right. THIS. JUST. IN. It’s okay to find a different brand or a different size or a different style that fits properly, even if it’s bigger or smaller than before. I could’ve saved myself a lot of unwarranted shame if I’d known this sooner. 

3 – Mad is just sad’s bodyguard. I think I learned this one from Dr. Jody Carrington several years back, and it’s something I wish I could pass on to every single person on earth (and no, that’s not meant to be a hyperbole).  It’s a piece of information that is extremely useful both professionally and personally and it helps me to respond to anger rather than react. Instead of thinking, Wow, this person is a real ___________, I can move past that to think, Wow, this person must be really hurt/sad/scared. I wonder why that is? I could’ve saved myself a lot of unnecessary blame if I’d known this sooner. 

4 –  I’m an Enneagram type 3. I’ve done other personality tests in the past and felt somewhat understood, but the descriptions of a type 3 really hit home for me, especially the more I research into being a 3 with a 4 wing: pretentious, imaginative, introspective, focused, intentional, and motivated by a need to be worthy through productivity and success. Yup, good and bad, that’s me! And while it’s nice to feel understood, knowing my enneagram type the last few months has been the most helpful in checking if my “three-ness” is being expressed in healthy or unhealthy ways and steering myself towards the healthy side of things where I let go of the belief that my worth is dependent on the recognition of others. I could’ve saved myself a lot of self-doubt if I’d known this sooner. 

@justbyenneatype

@enneagram.kam

5 – I’m not responsible for what happens to me, but I am responsible for my response. I think I got this from Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Shitty things have happened to me, just as shitty things have happened to you, and often, these shitty things are not our fault. But what we can control – and what is our responsibility – is how we choose to respond because that’s where our power lies. This goes along with understanding that I am only in control of my own actions. I cannot make anyone do what I want them to do, even if I have a plan or I think I know what’s best for someone (guilty!). I could’ve saved myself a lot of heartache if I’d known this sooner.

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