What Have I Unbecome? – A Birthday Reflection

What have I unbecome? 

I am learning, to no longer explain

My every action, my every decision

I’ll do what’s right for me

You do what’s right for you

Both are okay. 

What have I unbecome? 

I no longer say “yes” 

Just to please people

I no longer abandon myself –

My peace, my well-being,

Because you think I should do more

 

What have I unbecome?

I make time and space

For what I really want to do. 

Instead of talking about

The things I wish I had time for,

The things I hope to do someday. 

I do them now. 

 

What have I unbecome?

For years I was afraid of judgement.

Wouldn’t write, couldn’t read my writing

To others without shaking. 

Now, I write it, I put it out there. 

And repeat. Again, and again. 

It’s okay if you don’t get it, don’t like it –

Disagree. 

That’s confidence.

That’s freedom. 

 

What have I unbecome?

It was always safest, to be my own worst critic

Because if I could think of the ways I wasn’t

Good enough first, before anyone else, 

I could contort myself – protect myself –

By diving into self-improvement. 

Now, it’s different. It’s a journey into the depths, 

Not a race to polish the surface. 

(It’s about what others can’t see)

 

What have I unbecome?

Today, I don’t hate my body,

For the way it looks, or

For still not fitting into those old Silver jeans despite my best efforts.

And while I may not always love it,

I do appreciate it. And that is its

Own kind of unbecoming. 

 

What have I unbecome?

With each passing year,

I unbecome flight and fear, and I settle a little more deeply

Into my true self. 

With each passing year,

I unbecome feeling broken and unworthy, and I do the work

To get back to being whole.

I am confident in who I am, and what I am capable of.

 

And that makes me think,

If this is 28,

How amazing will 30, and 40, and 50 feel?

And beyond.

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